I Don't Even Know.
7 Days Later
Leave a Comment
Sorry guys. I haven’t been updating that much. To make things short, I dropped out of high school and had to go through alot of steps to get back in. Anyways, point is, I’m back in school. And I’m back to blogging. No real subject today just rambling about my feelings really.
Have you ever had something happen to you where something pertaining to an ex or even someone you are currently with occurs and your mouth goes dry, and you feel dizzy, and your stomach drops? Its like going through an indoor roller coaster with no light, mouth wide open. And you feel sick, like you could pass out any second? Well I hadn’t not until a few days ago, lets call it a week. I won’t go into details, but it made me think about alot of things. Its funny how everyone I talk to tells me you need to get over it/him. And they act like I’m not trying at all. I am though. I’ve gone 20-something days without trying to contact him at all, 0 without thinking about him. Is that bad? I know that at some point I have to just move on, but it hurts. It doesn’t only hurt because of my feelings and because I’m alone, its because of the people we both were, to the people we’ve become. And it hurts to see that transformation, and know that I was responisible. I mean to see someone who does nothing but play video games, and occasionally hang with friends turn into a chronic partier, alcoholic even. It hurts to see the pictures of him at parties getting wasted, thats not the person I fell in love with. And I wonder, would he have been getting drunk every weekend if we were still together? I wonder is he doing stupid things, he told me once before that he’s banged a girl while drunk and he regretted it, is that going to happen? I know I shouldn’t be concerned, but, I hate to see him changing. And maybe that”s selfish, and I need to accept it. Then theres me, I was once on my way to valedictorian of my class, and then, out of anger, and stress, I drop out of high school completely? I find myself in tears at least once a day. How can I break this? Am I truly crazy? Am I really obsessed? I don’t think I am. I know my heart, as much as my mind wants to, my heart can’t tear away. I know when something could have been great. I know we could have been great. And I shouldn’t after all the things he said to me, but I miss him. And I still love him, more than ever…
“If I could only see in all of my nothing, you were everything to me”
Well, I’m Back
Leave a Comment
Hope everyone’s holiday’s went well. Me? I’m just easing back into normal life, the life that dosen’t involve sleeping all day everyday. Since the last time I’ve updated, I’ve tried to get in touch with HIM, and he’s completely blocked me off. Also he said that he’s seeing someone else so I’m pretty much over him, moving on with life. Kind of, I guess. Anyways. I’ll be updating everyday from now on 
Happy New Years!
Leave a Comment
I hope everyone’s holiday’s were good. Haven’t been updating because I’m on break, so that is what I’m doing, taking a break (sleeping). But I haven’t left you guys. I’ll be back starting the 6th of January
XOXO
Amy Whinehosue
Leave a Comment
Is very comforting when going through a break-up. Not even the lyrics or anything, but the soul and melody that oozes from all her songs. These two are my particular favorites, listen to them tell me whatcha think
<br><br>
Choke Water Change
Leave a Comment
One shot to the heart without breaking your skin.
Has any one ever felt a victim to that sensation? When something someone says or does hurts you so bad, you choke on disbelief at the situation and your back throws out, as if you’ve been shot. And then the tears roll out? Yeah, that’s what happens when someone you love hates you. And they’d rather pull toenails out rather than talk to you. And that someone is the same someone who, prior to the circumstance would pull toenails at the thought of losing you or to keep you in their arms. Its when that person puts their fucking friend on the phone to embarrass you. That’s when you’re launced into a world of hurt, and you curl into a ball, and squeeze tight on that pillow he gave you on August 3rd and you cry. You cry.
Don’t try sleeping with a broken heart. It won’t work. No you can’t heal a broken heart before bedtime, but you better heal with hate until the real healing begins. When you have to say to yourself “I FUCKING HATE THAT SON OF A BITCH” and you feel better. So you sleep. The next morning you wake up realizing that you are a victim of Cupid’s twisted games. Then throughout the day, everytime you think of that time when you got shot in the heart, and tears well up. “What’s wrong” the teachers and students ask you? My eye’s watering. Ha, watering. Water water. Shower, puddles, drip drop, snow, wet, moist. Camouflage the tears. But this time, you don’t wanna take a shower, you are inclined to drown yourself, end your life here on Earth. Take a chill pill. Drink some water. Splash water on your face. Ha, water.
Choke on life, Choke on love, Choke on…water?
Fungus
Leave a Comment
Hey guys!
I’m back home! Sorry about the super-brief post, just wasn’t feeling the blogness with people around me. Blogging is something I like to do alone, mostly because all my feelings and thoughts come to me more clearly and uncontaminated. I think I like blogging more than I like a diary or even talking to people directly about my problems or anything, for that matter. It’s crazy to me to think that anyone could see what I write, from my mom, or a teacher or someone random who maybe works at a store I like, or someone who see’s me alot, but doesn’t know I write this blog. It’s interesting, i guess. Anyways, here I am, and I’m alone, so I’m gonna blog.
Holidays are really fun for me. Well for a while they weren’t that great, but recently I’ve reunited with a part of my family that I haven’t seen/talked to in 4 years. Idk how or why it happened, but miraculously, we all reunited for my great0uncles 75th birthday and its been great from there! Thanksgiving is an especially good holiday, because everyone is in good spirits, lots of delicious food, its a holiday that is hard to spend without family, and the sales after rock. Another weird thing I noticed about holidays is that there’s alot of booze, therefore alot of truth comes out when you wouldn’t expect it. It all started when my aunt said that she didn’t approve of homosexuality and my mother went in for the rebuttal, note that both of them are drunk. From there it spirals into many a conversations aabout feeling like the odd man out in the family, drugs, alcohol, Christianity. It was an intense night, but I was forced to question the actual meat of the conversation due to both sides drunkenness. Anyways I’d chalk it up to a good holiday. After thanksgiving sales, I have to admit, weren’t too hot this year. Maybe it’s just me?
Has anyone ever been in a situation where you’ve been in one scenario for so long that you actually think it is normal. And then you witness other people’s situation ‘s and realize that yours is not at all normal? Well I had that revelation these past few days. Some people realize that maybe the way they dress isn’t normal, or maybe that the relationship their in isn’t healthy. But me, I realized my relationship with my mother isn’t normal. This weekend I noticed that my cousins talk alot to their mother (my aunt) about just things….nothing in particular. But with me, my mom never talks to me expect when its a command or complaint. Also, when we do talk about other things it seems very forced and fake, or like she’s just writing off everything I said. It’s kind of depressing, and ever since she got her Blackberry, she NEVER talks to me inside the house. In the midst, of all this nonchalance about what I have to say, or what I think, she also almost shot me over the mention of me going to college somewhere far away from home. So I don’t know, maybe it’s something I need to work on. And I don’t wan to tell her anything because she’ll get mad, but I realized too she smokes and drinks way more than normal. Hm…
Well on the break up front, I think I’m doing well. I don’t really think about him too much, only when I hear a song about relationships or something like that. I mostly just listen to my music and it helps me get by, also with my family around me it helped me forget alot about the situation and realize all the things I have to be happy about in life, I’m a senior in high school, I have family that loves me, I am healthy, there’s a roof over my head, and most of all, I know God. I also realized that there’s alot of things I have to be sad about, instead of him ; like the fact that my mom is an alcoholic and doesn’t like me very much, or that I’m getting pimples from all the stress from the break-up. I also started talking to one of my male friends, one of few…and I feel better that at least I have a male to vent to to see their perspective. I get sick of females sometimes. I still miss him everyday though…
Anyways tomorrow I have alot of stuff to do, since I’ve been away from home for a week now…well 5 days. So I’ll blog when I have times.
Thanks for reading again
Gobble
Leave a Comment
hey guys! its turkey day!
I hope everyones having a good holiday! I’m here in San Diego with my family! We’ve been cooking alot, so far we have lemon cake, lemon pie, sweet potato pie, macaroni salad, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatos, green breans, collard/mustard greens, ham, roast beef, corn, rolls, and probably more. So yeah, we’ve just been cooking. Did any one do anything fun?
Anyways, I’m making new connections, a guy that I knew before/while I started getting involved with my ex, he randomly texted me and now we talk all the time! Its cool, i guess.
So tomorrow I’m hitting up Black Friday sales! Have a good holiday guys!
Say that.
Leave a Comment
I also wanted to share these lyrics, its like they were written for me!
“Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart”– Alicia Keys
Even if you are a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear it inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time, you were telling me lies
So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you
You wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound
Why don’t you hold me, need me
I thought you told me, you’d never leave me
Looking in the sky I could see your face
And I knew right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I’ll always be in love with you
Right till the end
So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Anybody could’ve told you right from the start it’s ’bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love
And I could find a way to make it, don’t hold on too tight
I’ll make it without you tonight
So tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
It’s A Small World
Leave a Comment
Disneyland today!
It was really fun. I picked my aunt and some cousins up at 9am in Anaheim from the train station. On the train platform, we saw this random purse sitting there so my aunt picked it up to take it to the conductor or security because obviously someone had left it, and then this random woman has the nerve to jump out of the train and yell ” Give me my purse! I need that”, PSHHH! Bitch! As if we were trying to steal your purse and obviously you didn’t need it THAT much if you left it on a train platform! Psh, so then we went to park, but we ended up parking in this weird lot a long way from the park called Pumbaa, it was bizarre, I’d never seen it before. I usually park in the multi level structure off the 5 FWY. So then, we’re waiting for the pseudo tram aka grayline bus, and there’s this family with like 6 kids and 2 parents, two of the kids are in a stroller and the family is getting ready to board the bus. Apparently, the lady didn’t think to collapse the stroller and round of the kids until the bus door as open and everyone behind her was getting impatient. This is why I hate theme parks, and were not even in it yet, this is just the parking. So anyways one of my cousins was celebrating his birthday, so he got in free, the other 4 of us bought tickets previously so the ticket thing went relatively quick. We headed to Tomorrowland and hit up Space Mountain for fastpasses then went to Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin, a shooting game. It was really fun, i got 2nd in the whole group, the winner was the birthday boy. Next we went over to Adventureland and went on the Tiki Room, a classic. Afterwards, we walked into New Orleans Square, and a new show, Tiana’s Showboat Review was on. Disney’s new black princess, Tiana, and her gang were on that big white showboat singing songs. The show only lasts about 10 minutes, but it’s worth every minute. I enjoyed it. Next, we went to Haunted Mansion, all Nightmare Before Christmas-ed out! It was exciting to say the least. Then we went to Hungry Bear Restraunt and got burgers, mediocre at best. After we ate we headed over to the teacups, not a good idea after eating, but I made it out alive. Next we went on Space Mountain, great as usual! After that we kind of winged it and walked around a bit. We looked at alot of the really nice decorations for Christmas hit up It’s A Small World, Pirates of the Carribean and Big Thunder Mountain. Word to the wise: if you ever go to Disneyland, on the culinary front, make sure to try — Bengal BBQ Kabobs, Corn on the Cob, Churros (of course), and the Cinnamon Tea Latte in the store with the coffee on Main Street.I had alot of fun though!
But, the last 2 times I went to Disneyland was with HIM, so I found myself like “oh i remember when we were sitting right there…” or “that was so fun when we…” so I was kind of sad a little. But spending time with family really helps, so most of the day I was really happy and just immersed in love of family. I’m still having a hard time avoiding calling him because I always want to call him. And it sucks…I just hope he comes back soon 
Anyways I hope everyone had a good night & weekend.
Also thanks to everyone who reads my blog.
Check out my blogfriend’s blog this is the URL: thegirlinthepurplepantyhose.wordpress.com
Hitch
1 Comment
Today was a busy day guys
I woke up and told my mom I would make her bacon, but then I went in my room and fell asleep. Failure. I ended up sleeping for 3 hours. When I woke up I ate these things called Bogels from Panera Bread. By the way, Panera Bread is delicious ; I went yesterday and got a sandwich, broccoli cheese soup and an apple, delicious! When I was there I bought Bogels, these mini but up bagels with cinnamon on them. I melted butter and dipped them in that and ate them. I thought they were going to be delicious, but at best they were mediocre. So i scarfed a cranberry bliss bar. Mission accomplished.
After that worked on this mural project for my design class on three artists Ken Twitchell, Judy Baca, and George Yepes, interesting i guess, tedious though. I was in and out of doing chores, cleaning & the laundry. At lunch I made a salad! It was delicious. For diner my mom made Apples with Sausage and corn. It was good.
Going to Disneyland tomorrow! So I probably won’t update until Monday.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
