I Don't Even Know.

Fungus | November 29, 2009

Hey guys!

I’m back home! Sorry about the super-brief post, just wasn’t feeling the blogness with people around me. Blogging is something I like to do alone, mostly because all my feelings and thoughts come to me more clearly and uncontaminated. I think I like blogging more than I like a diary or even talking to people directly about my problems or anything, for that matter. It’s crazy to me to think that anyone could see what I write, from my mom, or a teacher or someone random who maybe works at a store I like, or someone who see’s me alot, but doesn’t know I write this blog. It’s interesting, i guess. Anyways, here I am, and I’m alone, so I’m gonna blog.

Holidays are really fun for me. Well for a while they weren’t that great, but recently I’ve reunited with a part of my family that I haven’t seen/talked to in 4 years. Idk how or why it happened, but miraculously, we all reunited for my great0uncles 75th birthday and its been great from there! Thanksgiving is an especially good holiday, because everyone is in good spirits, lots of delicious food, its a holiday that is hard to spend without family, and the sales after rock. Another weird thing I noticed about holidays is that there’s alot of booze, therefore alot of truth comes out when you wouldn’t expect it. It all started when my aunt said that she didn’t approve of homosexuality and my mother went in for the rebuttal, note that both of them are drunk. From there it spirals into many a conversations aabout feeling like the odd man out in the family, drugs, alcohol, Christianity. It was an intense night, but I was forced to question the actual meat of the conversation due to both sides drunkenness. Anyways I’d chalk it up to a good holiday. After thanksgiving sales, I have to admit, weren’t too hot this year. Maybe it’s just me?

Has anyone ever been in a situation where you’ve been in one scenario for so long that you actually think it is normal. And then you witness other people’s situation ‘s and realize that yours is not at all normal? Well I had that revelation these past few days. Some people realize that maybe the way they dress isn’t normal, or maybe that the relationship their in isn’t healthy. But me, I realized my relationship with my mother isn’t normal. This weekend I noticed that my cousins talk alot to their mother (my aunt) about just things….nothing in particular. But with me, my mom never talks to me expect when its a command or complaint. Also, when we do talk about other things it seems very forced and fake, or like she’s just writing off everything I said. It’s kind of depressing, and ever since she got her Blackberry, she NEVER talks to me inside the house. In the midst, of all this nonchalance about what I have to say, or what I think, she also almost shot me over the mention of me going to college somewhere far away from home. So I don’t know, maybe it’s something I need to work on. And I don’t wan to tell her anything because she’ll get mad, but I realized too she smokes and drinks way more than normal. Hm…

Well on the break up front, I think I’m doing well. I don’t really think about him too much, only when I hear a song about relationships or something like that. I mostly just listen to my music and it helps me get by, also with my family around me it helped me forget alot about the situation and realize all the things I have to be happy about in life, I’m a senior in high school, I have family that loves me, I am healthy, there’s a roof over my head, and most of all, I know God. I also realized that there’s alot of things I have to be sad about, instead of him ; like the fact that my mom is an alcoholic and doesn’t like me very much, or that I’m getting pimples from all the stress from the break-up. I also started talking to one of my male friends, one of few…and I feel better that at least I have a male to vent to to see their perspective. I get sick of females sometimes. I still miss him everyday though…

Anyways tomorrow I have alot of stuff to do, since I’ve been away from home for a week now…well 5 days. So I’ll blog when I have times.

 

Thanks for reading again

 

 

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